I Blame Disney (and Trauma)

Have you ever wished for someone to swoop in, take control, and say, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this”?

Sounds pretty nice, right? 😏

But to the fiercely independent part of me—the one who loves solo travel, has explored all over and left home at 16—wanting to be rescued feels, well, kind of pathetic. 

Yet, a very young part of me, probably the same part of me that was indoctrinated by Disney, has been searching for that rescuer my whole life. 

I’ve looked for them in mostly in romantic relationships, but even in friendships, therapists, coaches, and family members. 

Always searching, seeking, never fully satisfied because the truth is, it's nobody's responsibility to rescue me, but me. 

Rescuing is an inside job. 

Let me explain. 

As many of you know, I recently moved across the country, far from family and friends.

I’m now living on my own, in my own apartment, for the first time ever. 🏡 

And it was precisely when the second glass fixture fell off my wall and shattered across my vintage hardwood floors that this subconscious desire to be rescued became very, very conscious.

While I had been aware of this part of me for some time, there was no denying she was front and center now. 

When we’re overwhelmed by big emotions—whether it’s fear, grief, sadness, or anger—we often try to shut them down. Or if we do feel them, we shame ourselves for it.

It sounds like: “I know I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I should be more grateful,” or “I don’t know why this is affecting me so much.”

Sitting on my hardwood floor (after cleaning up the glass) in what could only be defined as a meltdown, I let my inner child sob. 😭

Sobbing was something she got in trouble for as a kid. When she was upset, she was yelled at, made fun of, sent to her room, or worse.

Being left alone to process big feelings—that’s what causes trauma.

Not having someone to soothe, calm, or simply sit with you is the root of abandonment issues.

We often think abandonment happens when someone leaves your life, but as children, abandonment is when someone leaves you in distress.

This then shapes our attachment styles.

You might become The Avoidant, thinking, “I don’t ever want to feel that pain again, so I won’t care if you leave.” Or you might become The Anxious, thinking, “I never want to feel that pain again, so please don’t ever leave me.”

In the Parts Work model that I’ve been working with for 15 years, the goal is to bring the Adult forward to be the one who soothes, comforts, and rescues you.

It’s about reparenting your Inner Child in the present moment, so they receive a different experience from the one they had back then.

One that’s rooted in compassion, understanding, and validating their emotions.

It’s about giving yourself permission to feel however you feel right now.

You’re not trying to change it, talk yourself out of it, intellectualize it, or make it stop. 

You’re simply being a safe place for you to land. 

That’s it.

And what I’ve noticed over the years, is that when I do allow my different parts to have their feelings, those feelings move through me much faster.

And, the belief that I need to be rescued (which is really a belief that I’m not capable of handling hard things) also gets rewritten through this process.

Because I did handle the hard thing—with grace, understanding, and compassion. 

And to me, that’s what healing is all about. ❤️‍🩹